wHAt tHIs nEEds is mOre cOw bELL*

the veRy lAst dAy of eiGht wEEks Of suMMer cAmps....

miGht just dRinK On the jOb in cElEbrAtiOn*

& whAt is eVen beTTer?
(yOU aRe thinKinG 'hOw cOuld tHis get aNy beTTer?...)

i mOve in fOUr dAys.
yes.
fOur.
dAys.

thEn thE aWE*sOme*neSS Of bOraX.sCRUBBies & A bucKet wiLL cONsuMe me....

bAd cArds*

not terribly impressed with the cards today.
they started out bright & shine.e.,
(oh look at that Queen, nice Ace* hEy* A KinG....)
then took a wild mean turn for the dark.ness...
( oh.*! sAtan & the hanGed man....perfect*....)

i am already adverse to inverted cards even though i am told i should embrace all aspects of a reading.

no.

i just want the fluffy happy.
is that too much?

cOnversAtiOns*

There was dancing, & I was in the spark*lee dress.
I am just going to say it.
Kiera Knightly, I would like her to play me in a movie.

Is Margret Mitchell still alive?

***

Do you even have to ask?

The stage is set for success.
That is what it says.
The rune or card or what have you.
Set.

Dear Neil

eiGht dAys Neil,

beLLy dAncinG
Out of tuNe shOwer siNginG
eAttinG nOOdleS
&
yOguRthOney miDniGht sNaCKinG*

eiGht dAys Neil,

lOud tiNNy AlArm clOck cD plAyeR*
One persOn bAthrOOm wiTh nEw OrAnGe tOwEl*
sOft strEEt lAmp liGht
&
giFtEd dOuble bEd futOn*

eiGht dAys Neil,
eiGht dAys*!!!!!

i miGht bE eXcitEd,
...
juSt A wEE Bit*

hARveSt gOld*

lemOnaDe wiTh iCe cHats beSiDe
A (liGHt mOrtAr) tuRtle*
frOnt dOOr crEEk wiTh sKiPPinG bUgs
&(bAss)trOut*

*drAgOnFLiES*
BlaCK FLiES*
hAppy BlAcK lAB sNuFFs
&
bElly ruBBed gRey KiTTEn puRRs*
tOe.maY.tOes*
mArBle cHEEsE*
brOccOli sTEAmED
pOe.tAY.tOes
cOrn On tHe cOB
bbQ

cUcUmBerS & teA*
WaRM flAnnEl
sOft piLLOws*
reStinG cAt*

witH cricKet luLLabYes*

wHen i wAs eiGht.....*

heRe!* heRe*!
to Rainbow Theaters!! & three dollar matinees!!!*
saw quite the terrifying yet delightfully predicable yet i still jumped out of my seat & gripped the arm rest horror flick yesterday afternoon.

of course, i was all joke.joke. about my over active imagination
i get myself all hyped up to be staring at the ceiling for the night
in laughable fear

i watched some t.v.
had some juice.
yawned.
it was dark.
i got my jams on & climbed into bed*
in the cool, gloriously cool, basement
&
i heard the tinKtinK of my fingers On the switch turning Off the liGht...
oh.blessed sleep.....

fliCk (fAint glOw)
fliCK (fAint glOw sPuTTer)
fliCk (bRiGhteR glOw)
fliCk (bRiGhteR glOw litte tiN.e. sOund)

yep.
four times....

four.

times.

i fOrsee slEEpinG On the flOor uPstairs besiDe the dOg the reSt Of the wEEk*

Dear Neil

its Saturday
&
i am not bathing Neil.

i am going to sit in front of the t.v. Neil,
drink cOffee
maybe make some lunch.
its optional.
take another nap

or fall asleep while reading, on the couch with the t.v. on.
oh*
yes*
brilliant.

might brush my teeth, though...
just as a courtesy....

tO* dAy.

theRe will be cAke*
& wHite wiNe*
sinGinG ( eXcellent*)
& stOmach achiNG lauGhteR.
yEs.
it wiLL be tHis gOOd*

SteLLa hAs nEw shOes

One leAse*
fiVe pOst dAtes*
bRanD nEw unUseD cheQues, pacKed in yEt tO be discOvered bOx*
jAne AustEN suMMer hOme*
sePtemBer fiRst*
pinK bicYcle & nEw ruNNers*

& then...

Neil,
'they' called!
with four minutes left on the clock.
so. close Neil,
i was a bit jumpy.

it hasn't really settled in yet,
& i have to find my cheques. (i know i should have labeled the boxes.)

feeling the Oh.mY * dAnce*e eXcitement*
& the bottoming out of free falling...
its really quite trilling*
even for a cat.

wAitinG jUst iSn't *

neil,
they haven't called yet.
i don't have the stomach for this kind of thing.
especially when i feel quite nearly strangled by the anticipation,...maybe that's the fear...
(does it matter?)
& as i compose this letter to you, i am staring at the phone.
wishingwishingwhispers*
that the elusive 'they' will call,
&
i will be pink bike shopping*

piNK biCycLE

for trekking around(... to you)*
em says its all the rage*
tomorrow i will hear the news.
if i got the apartment.

the apartment on charlotte.
!!!!!
my own room with a view.
!!!!!
its terrible.
how terribly eXcited
& fit.fully sad i am.
eXcited
sAd
eXcited
sAd
mOstly*
i am thinking.
what do i want?
what do i need?
& can i fulfill these needs?
its interesting how manic the mind is, & it always comes around*
reason & emotion
head & heart*
& a pinK bicYcle.
maybe OliVe grEEn,
Or muDDy brOwn*
Or pinK.
pinK with streAmers & bElls.

Dear Neil

today was my 31st birthday, Neil.
today, i was going to shake your hand & you where going to desperately want to work with me.
its true.
or at least. it would've been.
instead Neil,
i met fairies
& fireflies
&ballerinas
&ninjas
& knights
i walked candle lit paths
i watched actors on stilts (stilts!) tell a tale about a girl who ate the night.


i ate Thai, Neil,
i didn't think I'd like it but i really did...

i turned thirty one Neil, thirty one.
maybe next year, Neil. will be 'our' year.
i say that so full of hope Neil, its really quite sad.
but maybe.
you never know.
oh?
& Neil, ...?
thanks.

the appointment is today at 5:30p.m.*
nervous* butterflies & giddy excitement
this will be my very first.
ever.
bachelor apartment.
(little dance*)

nEiL gAimAn & Other distRActiOns*

its terrible & devastating.
& it is,
the RiGHT thiNG.

still...it hurts like that 90 mph straight down the hill bike plow into the neighbor's hedge you did the summer before grade six.

& you know you'll come around to really enjoying your "you" time* ( you'll start off fake smiling about it, which will cause you to cry because your cheeks will puff up against your eyes & that will get you to think about that time they made you laugh so hard that your cheeks did.this.very.same thing-!!!!!*)

you'll day dream about all those adventures you've been promising yourself for years & never do because you have this delightful pattern of moving around the city for love, in search of, because of....whatever.
you're done now. you're going to scare yourself into YOUR adventure.
its time.
your ready.
look.
you even have a blog.
( & its terrifying) *

you've got some BiG dReAMiNG tO put intO aCTiON*

but right now...

you're going to cry, silently in the bathroom at work & loudly into your pillow on the couch bed that used to be "Our" couch bed, but is now Your bed & you will holler & wail & do that hissing between the teeth heart break sobbing that really gets your self pity juices up. because you need to get it out. so you can get on with it.

& then.
then you can meet Neil Gaiman*